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Care and the language of love

Care and the language of love

By Mj Carnaje

Care and the language of love


Love is expressed in a lot of ways. It can be written, like when you give a greeting card to someone dear to you on their special day, or when you leave a simple note on the fridge door to remind your loved one to take their vitamins before heading out.


It can be felt, like when you give your friend a hug after a rough day at work (perhaps, this was best done pre-pandemic, right?), or when you whip up a tasty dish for your family on your Thanksgiving feast.


Most especially, love is best expressed through words—comforting, reassuring words that let your loved one know that everything will be alright.


Watch the video below to find out more:



Caring for people with dementia can be a demanding task to fulfill, particularly for family users who also need to juggle other important matters outside of home. Sometimes, exhaustion and frustration might even get the most of people rendering in-home care for their elder loved ones.


While this is completely understandable from time to time, this should not dictate the kind of interaction to have with dementia patients. Reuser that they, too, might be feeling confused and frustrated because of what they are going through. The last thing that you’d want them to do is to hurt them by the words you may have said in the heat of the moment.


Here’s a quick rundown of the five most important rules about speaking to someone suffering from dementia.



Be very, very patient


People suffering from dementia need time to process their thoughts and find the right words to express themselves. Don’t rush them or interrupt them whenever they say something.


If you feel agitated or frustrated, it’s best to learn how to calm yourself down.


Speak gently, calmly, and clearly


People with dementia often feel a lot of discomfort that comes with old age. Adding to all this confusion might not make things easier for both of you.


Call them by their first name and speak at a slightly slower pace. Give them time to process what you just told them. Use a gentle, reassuring voice and speak in short, simple sentences.


“No,” “Don’t,” or “Can’t” are words best thrown out the window


When caring for someone with dementia, expressing resistance may only result to aggressive behavior—a moment that can be stressful to both the patient and the one caring for them.


Learn the art of bargaining. If you offer them something and they say “no,” take a step back and let them be for a little while. After a few minutes, try and approach them again in a friendly manner. If they insist on doing something that you know will be difficult for them, explain why they can’t do it without telling them they “can’t.”


If for example, they insist on driving on your way to the doctor, don’t tell them that they cannot sit behind the wheel because of their condition. Be creative and rephrase your answers differently by saying “I know you can still drive the car,  but I’m just worried that you might get angry at someone honking at you on the road. Would you mind if I drive instead?”


Be mindful of your body language Yes, your actions speak volumes, even in front of someone with dementia. Learn to be relaxed and open when speaking to your elder


Smiling always does the trick, so make sure you always wear yours. Keep eye contact and always make an effort to make a positive environment when attending to them.


Humor and feel-good stories


It doesn’t hurt to make an effort to make them smile. Find ways to inject humor into your conversations. This can help forge a closer, more positive connection with your loved one.


At the end of the day, communicating with a dementia patient will always be crucial in helping them get through with their condition.


If you feel the need to ask for help, our Memory Care Specialists will be more than delighted to talk to you about getting in-home care services for your loved one.


Read next:

Now You Know: How to make kids understand dementia at home


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